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It is over.
Only three small words to mark the end of my world.
For all that I had hoped to say, I am now voiceless.
For all that I had hoped to be, I am now denied.
There were so many things I was to do,
so many days of life to share before saying 'goodbye'.
And now?
All that I have left are memories.
What have I done?
How could I have caused this terrible devastation?
We only did what we thought was prudent, Kosh and I.
We had to know what sort of man he was and what he
would become.
He had to be tested and taught,
honed as fine as a blade's edge.
For him to have gone to Z'ha'dum too soon - oh, the loss!
How can he ever believe me again?
I thought that Anna would not turn to the Shadows,
I truly did.
Or was that what I wished to think?
Was it a lie that I kept to myself, in the hopes
it would allow me what I wanted -
To have John as my own?
The anguish on his face as he turned to me -
me, who had been gifted with his heart and trust and love.
I saw all that torn away from him in those brief moments.
All that he has been forced to face.
The hope in him that he would be able to share his life
with another, once again.
All of that ripped from his soul.
His entire heart laid open at my feet
and I could do nothing, deny nothing.
Did I truly know?
Did Kosh know?
A message? Will I accept a message?
From John?
Oh, Valen. Have I hurt him so deeply that this
is to be the only way we may speak?
Do I accept?
I must. It is only just.
I will stand and hear his words,
all that he needs be said.
And then I will bid him Goodbye.
What is this?
He smiles as he speaks my name!
But wait.
He has gone to Z'ha'dum?
In Valen's Name, he has gone.
And with her.
I do not begrudge him that.
She has the right to reclaim her life.
And he his.
But why there?
What draws him to a place where no one
returns unscathed?
No, John! Do not go!
Do not go to this place.
It is a trap... I know it.
Oh Valen, it is much worse.
He knows that it is a trap.
John, do you hate me so that death with the
Shadows is better than living in my presence?
What? What is he saying?
Oh my heart - he did hear me as we parted!
He heard!
He is saying that he loves me.
My heart beats so fast it flutters in my chest.
And then - "goodbye".
No. Not that!
Not now as I learn he still feels for me!
Do not take him away.
Please do not take him away.
My fluttering heart breaks into sharp shards of crystal,
the tears of my eyes drop as rain.
To be only able to touch this picture.
Not to feel strong arms, warm breath touching my hair,
not to feel his heart beat within his chest.
It is not enough.
It will never be enough.
And it is all that I have left.
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Departure Gate #5
