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Shadow partner to a shadow lover: that’s what my fate has decreed.
A man alone in the darkness with a shadow mate behind me.
I look back at her: each strand of hair, each glance, each sound are
those I have known for a thousand years.
But from her face there is no welcoming light: her eyes, those of a stranger.
To look deep into those eyes is to see past the threshold of this life and into another world… this new world that she has embraced.
There is no joy, no touch of humanity there to look back at me.
Only cold, hard purpose.
What did she see, when she stood before me on Babylon 5,
this Anna who was once my life?
Did she see in me the shining dawn that drives away the
darkness before it?
Or was it the dusk - the darkening that settles over the world
before the death of the day?
The me that was before or the me that is now?
And I with no knowing which one she truly hoped to find.
Strange to be so far away from the one who stands behind me.
And to be so close to the one who waits so far away.
Why is it that I find more comfort, more humanity in the face of a former enemy
than I can in the gaze of one who’s life I’ve shared for years.
It is of her that I think… here in these last minutes,
bringing the memories out of darkness and into light.
The warmth of her embrace, the scent of her hair,
the starlight that gleams in her eyes.
The only concern I have left is that my actions here will see her safe.
That is worth any price, paid in any coin, even that of my life,
if it keeps her from living this hell.
‘You stand in the middle between the darkness and the light.’
‘You stand between the left hand and right.’
In between such extremes I walk, not of one or the other, but of both.
What does this mean. Kosh, damn it!
What does any of this mean?
Any answer?
Any at all?
No matter…you were right. You were always right.
To go to Z’ha’dum is never to return.
Now all I have left to do is to die.
Here.
In this place.
Standing on a ledge jutting out into oblivion, between high and low,
dust and sky, the sunfire that will cleanse this hell shining bright above me.
All that is left for me is the fire -
and the shadows...
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Departure Gate #5
