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Author’s Notes: A editor 'challenged' me [through a nicely worded 'request for a story']to do three things I've never done before. #1: Write a pairing I've never done before [Daniel and Sam] #2:in something *other* than an action or death setting and #3: have it to her inside of one week.
For publication.
It worked.
Thanks XXXXXXXXXXX.
Special Terminology: None
Disclaimer: As for the rest, Stargate Sg-1 and its characters are the
property of Stargate Productions, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret
Productions, and Gekko Productions. This story is for entertainment purposes
only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended.
Note: This story is the private possession of the author and can
not be copied or archived without her express permission. Downloaded for
private use is considered acceptable.
It was not often that Daniel had someone over to his place for dinner, if having delivery pizza could be considered 'dinner' - social dining was usually Jack's venue. The young archaeologist's days and nights were taken up with the Stargate, the missions, and the research afterward. Days could, and would, often run into weeks without him being aware of the passage of time as more than a repeating cycle of light and darkness.
In retrospect, it didn't register who first came up with the idea for a dinner get together at his place tonight. All he remembered was, one by one, Jack, Janet, and Teal’c informing him over the last couple of days they’d have to beg off the night's festivities. And since SG-8 dropped three *beautiful* crates of scrolls, tablets, and miscellaneous - well, stuff - off at his office two days ago, he'd been off in 'Archaeologist Heaven'. It never crossed his mind to mention to Sam the shindig was off. She had appeared promptly on his doorstep a few short hours ago.
It had been a pleasant evening, a needed 'time-out' from the chaotic pace SG-1 had lived these last few weeks. Hot food, cold drinks, good companionship: all added their own simple blessing to the two as they relaxed in each other's company, each settling down at opposite ends of Daniel's small sofa, shoes shed. A humble blending of lamp light and candlelight warmed the room. Music drifted delicately in the background, a subtle counter point to the conversation at hand.
And they talked. A lot. About their backgrounds, about themselves, and their dreams: past, present, and future.
Dusk moved on into night, stories and memories flowing back and forth as if they had known each other their entire lives - the way old friends talk and tell tales when they cross each others paths after a long separation.
As the two of them began to tidy up the livingroom when the long night drew to a close, a notion came to Daniel "I probably know more about Samantha Carter than Jack does, even if he is her C.O."
The thought brushed a smile across his full lips. That he might know something that even the indubitable Colonel Jack O’Neill did not. His face retained a shadow of the grin as he stooped to pick up the empty beer bottles which littered the coffee table.
Sam was busy in the small kitchen packaging up left-over pizza to stash in the fridge for later meals. He paused at the kitchen entryway leaning against the wall for a moment. This was a side of his co-worker he’d never had a chance to see. He watched her quietly putter around his kitchen, seizing the moment to enjoy the dance of her slender body and hands as she moved about the small room. Feeling the touch of his eyes on her, she glanced up as she wrapped another chunk of pizza in foil.
“And just what are you grinning at?”
“I’ve just never seen you so … domestic, that’s all.” He waved a dry bottle in the general direction of the now emptied pizza box. “I usually just stuff the whole thing in the fridge.”
“Typical guy…” teased Sam as a stack of foil wrapped food grew in front of her. “Wait until the food sets up rock hard and then try to do something with it. It’s got to be genetic. Probably goes back to the first hunter-gatherer. Once he was through with the mastodon roast, he forgot to put it away, and ended up with mastodon jerky in the morning .”
“Frankly," Daniel rebutted. "I’ll bet if you dig deeply enough into that theory, there's probably a chunk of truth to that.”
Grinning at the dirty look she'd graced him with, Daniel squatted on his heels putting the bottles in the half empty case on the floor next to the fridge. As he straightened, he found Carter standing next to him, her delicate hands lost beneath the unsteady stack of prepared packages. His hands reached out in reflex as she extended the load of food toward him. Balancing the stack in the crook of one arm, Daniel nudged the fridge open with the other. After finding a home for the pizza on a rack, he glanced over the door top at her asking, “Do you want another beer?”
“Thanks. I'd like that”, she replied, grinning.
He removed the fresh bottles and placed them on the counter next to the fridge, closing the cold door with a gentle bump of his hip. " Bottle opener?" His mind wandered. " Where?" "Sam, do you remember where I put…" he turned toward her just as she head her name and stepped back toward his voice. They collided face on in front of the refrigerator- fine boned, delicate palms flying up to land flat against his chest to steady herself; large, worked roughened hands gently grasping her upper arms to brace them both.
The two stood in startled stillness for several seconds, both unsure whether to retreat or stand. Curious sky blue eyes looked deeply into wide pools of cobalt. Daniel found his head slowly drifting down towards her upturned face. "Ah … Jackson … I don't think this is a good idea.'' The more intelligent, primate part of his brain made comment.
'' She's warm .. smells so nice…" he noticed off in a distant corner of his mind, in a much more primal space. Breath caught in his throat as his lips drifted to a stop just short of hers, giving her a heartbeat to change her mind. He saw her eyes drift closed as he looked on between his own lowered lashes. The faint brush of warm air on his chin was the only movement in the still world around them.
Soft, full lips closed that finial distance, brushing against hers, before settling on her mouth. Sam slid a small step forward, leaning gently into the kiss; leaving no doubt in Daniel’s mind that she was not at all upset by this turn of events.
They stood together for several moments, silently encouraging each other to relax and enjoy the 'now'. Daniel’s hands left her shoulders and worked their way around her back, one hand moving up to cradle the curve of her neck, the other coming to rest in the warm hollow of her back. He felt the slow drift of her hands up his chest to wind themselves in the hair laying on the nape of his neck, drawing her mouth upward to press against his. To his surprise, her lips parted slightly, offering up that warm moist cavern for him to explore. Without a moment’s hesitation, the offer was accepted. His tongue flowed past her full lips to roam the depths of her mouth, touching and caressing her more intimately. As they began to explore each other's offerings, their kiss became deeper … stronger.
The world contracted into a small warm cocoon around him. There was nothing in this place but the two of them. Warm and so alive in each other arms. Wanting to be close. Wanting more and more as time passed, to be closer. As close as two people could be. As close as he had been with …
Hathor!! Oh Sweet God! He was no longer in his apartment. It wasn’t Sam he held so closely to him. He was back in Hathor’s bed chamber, the smell of the pink mist drifting over him again, taking away his mind and will. He heard her calling him ‘Her Beloved’ and leading him willing to her bed to mate with him. To collect his DNA, to make infant Goa'uld. Many, many infant Goa'uld. Enough to take over the Earth. Goa'ulds like the one that took Shau'ri. And he joined with her willingly, again and again, as she asked it of him. He cooperated with her, touching her, bedding her …
Daniel fought his way out of the embrace in violent disgust, throwing the warm body resting against him away and down onto the floor at his feet, scrubbing the back of his hands across his face and lips lips. Staggering backward, he struck his hip against the cabinets to topple to the unyielding floor beneath. A horror stricken voice in the distance screamed "No! God, No! Get away from me!" and finally he recognized it as his own. Sprawled on the cold tile floor, he looked madly in all directions, trying to see how Hathor could have come to him … here … in the one place he saw as his own safe refuge.
No matter how horrifying an incident may be, it always has an end. Daniel's terrified body finally left the world of 'fight or flight' behind and began to see the universe in its true form, not the non-reality that had been. Normal household sounds slowly returned - clocks ticked and appliances whirred. Stark black and white silhouettes shifted to their normal colors: smells were restored - could be recognized.
Fear filled eyes danced around the tiny room, trying to make sense of what was around him. He caught the glare of the street lamps through the kitchen window dancing on the counter tops, the night sounds of an urban neighborhood mixing with the music drifting in from the livingroom.
And back within the shadows, he could just make out the still form of Samantha Carter lying in a silent, crumpled heap at the base of the kitchen sink cabinet.
“Sam.” Daniel pulled himself across the tills toward her, his hands shaking as he checked for the pulse in her neck … breathing a rough sigh of relief when he found it strong and steady under his fingertips. There was no way the anxious man could tell if she was unconscious or just stunned. He started talking to her, calling to her with the hope she’d hear him and reply. “Sam? Oh God. Sam, I’m sorry. Sam? Are you alright?”
He slid closer to her, pulling her into his arms: trembling hands touching her back; stroking her hair. “Talk to me. Say something, please. Say anything. Sam?” After a second, he saw her chest shudder - heard the sound of one indrawn breath, then another. Heard her trying to clear her throat and finally succeeding.
“Daniel?” Her voice was faint and confused, words slurring into one another. “What happened? Everybody … all right?”
“Are you all right?” he countered.
“I'm fine… I think.” She tried to lever herself upright. Daniel pulled her shoulders back, holding her more tightly against his chest ... leaning her small frame against his chest in support, her short crop of corn silk hair coming to rest in the hollow of his left shoulder.
“Okay … just shook up," she continued. “Had the wind knocked out of me.”
Daniel reached out, his right hand cupping her chin to tilt her face toward him as he stared worriedly at her face. He could see a bruise above her left eye that was already beginning to swell and take on color. A couple of bloody scrapes decorated the point of her chin. She looked back at him with eyes bleary and unfocused.
“Oh, God, Sam. I’m sorry!”
“About what?” Her voice still held a slightly slur. “What happened? Where are we?” She tried turning her head to view the area around her. Daniel reluctantly let her chin slid out of his hand.
"She’s must be thinking we’re somewhere though the Gate." Daniel thought frantically. "Sweet God, I’ve hurt her. She’s got a concussion or something." He took a deep breath with the hope it would calm him a bit. “Everything’s all right. We’re at my apartment. Back home. We’d just finished dinner and I was helping you in the kitchen.” He stopped, drawing another deep breath before continuing,“ We were … standing around … in the kitchen … talking … about things …” His voice trailed off lamely not knowing what else to say. How much she might remember of the moments before the incident, if she remembered them. If she wanted to remember them.
“All right. We’re on Earth. In your apartment. In your kitchen.” She looked around her with eyes drifting into focus.
“That’s right.” He encouraged her with a tentative smile.
“I was wrapping - you were putting away. You asked if I wanted another beer. I said yes. I turned toward you and … then … we ...” Cloudless blue eyes locked onto his. Daniel tried to meet her gaze, but couldn’t. He felt his face and neck flush fiery hot as he shifted his eyes and looked away, at the cabinets. At the microwave. At anything but what he wanted to look at: the face of the woman sitting on the floor in front of him. He wanted desperately to see her expression, to see how she was looking at him this very moment, to try and get an idea of how she might be taking this.
"She trusted me. I’m her team mate. And I attacked her. Right in the middle of hitting on her, for Christ’s sake!" That thought brought him up short.
"I was." he realized. "I 'was' trying to 'hit' on her. I ‘wanted’ to hold her, kiss her, to …. " He let out a moan, rolling his forehead hard on to the palms of shaking hands. "Oh, my God.. I can’t believe this. How could I ever thought to try something like that. And Shau'ri!! How could I ever, ever have thought … how could I have done ….. Oh, God, Shau'ri! Forgive me!! Oh, my best beloved, forgive me!! " He felt his stomach roil in disgust and shame.
“Daniel?” Her voice fell soft and hesitant in the quiet room.
He tried burying his head deeper into his cupped hands. "Can I tell anything by the sound of her voice?" Did she sound angry with him for taking advantage of her here, when she was his guest? Was she shocked or scared? As shocked and scared as he was right this minute?
“Daniel, are you all right?”
"No, I’m not all right, damn it! I want to melt into the spaces between the floor tiles! " His entire body was trembling. "Can anybody be this mortified and still live?" He felt her hand come to rest on his shoulder and shake him gently.
“Hey," she said quietly. "Tell me what happened.”
“I’m not sure,”()he started. “I mean, I am sure, about … about some things I mean, but not what happened … when things changed …what.... oh hell!” He pulled his head up out of his hands and looked at her.
What he saw looking back startled him silent. She looked worried. She looked concerned. And more that a bit confused. But not scared. And definitely not angry. After all that had just gone on, her focus was on him. His fear and his confusion and not her own.
“We were …. doing … what we were … um…”.
“Can you spell consensual?” Her voice was calm, but there was a deeper note of something buried in it as well, almost like a soft, gentle laugh.
His blush went even deeper … well, off the scale and heading into the infrared. “Well. Yes, as a matter a fact I can.” Another deep breath. “We were… kissing … and all of a sudden I wasn’t here, with you, … I was with Hathor and …”
“Flashback.”
“What?” Her abrupt reply startled him.
“You had a 'flashback'. What we were, ah, doing, must have triggered a flashback to your incident with Hathor.” She slipped rapidly into academic mode, as much a means to distance herself from the circumstances as to study them. “The … kiss … caused you to remember the previous events and react to them as if they were actually happening right now. In real time.” She sighed, her voice still soft and but now hesitant. “Me … us … um, the kiss must have been the trigger.”
"The kiss." He groaned. If his gut could twist any tighter, it did at that moment. He rested the back of his head against the cold cabinet, hoping he'd be spared the final embarrassment: of throwing up right here, right now, on his own kitchen floor, in front of Sam.
The chilled floor was growing decidedly uncomfortable. Carter eased herself away from Daniel's side. Reaching over her head, her hand made contact with the rim of the kitchen counter, giving her a solid point to lever herself up off the floor. "Woah! Head spins…" Leaning forward over the sink, slender hands held a death grip on the countertop until the world around her steadied. "And not even enough beer to justify it. That's sad…" When the room around her settled, she turned and rested her hip against the sink edge behind her. Faded blue eyes looked up at her from a face now more pale than green.
"Daniel?" A faint one syllable groan came up from the floor at her feet. "Come on, Daniel. Time to get up off there before you freeze." He stared long and hard at her outstretched hand. Common sense finally overruled mortal embarrassment - he accepted her dry hand in his damp grasp and let its assistance bring him to his feet.
Once up, his legs took on a mind of their own. Slow deliberate steps grew into faster pacing as shock and disgust began to take their full toll. "Sam. God, I'm sorry, Sam. I can't believe I did ….."
"Daniel.” Carter shifted back against the sink for support before she replied. "for those few moments, you were not yourself."
"Well, that's just great! Just who the hell was I then?" An expression somewhere between loathing and nausea crossed this features. "Your scheduled mugger for this evening? Jesus, Sam!" Long fingers buried themselves in dark bangs as he shocked the loose hair out of his face.
“Flashbacks can be a horribly real encounter. I … what you did… what happened … it’s an understandable reaction to what you had just experienced ...”
“Sam, I was trying to seduce you! I threw you across the kitchen and into the wall... I could have killed you!" His words began tumbling over one another as his body dumped the last of its adrenaline into his blood stream. "I've probably just totally destroyed whatever personal or working relationship we might have. I threw common sense out the window by reacting instead of thinking. I have no idea what sort of impact this is going to have … on us… the team."
"Daniel…" the name leaked out as a groan. He could tell that she was trying to find something she could say to help ease the almost explosive awkwardness of the situation, but she was as much a part of it as Daniel.
He spun on his heels when he heard her voice. The sight of her, arms wrapped tightly around her torso in an unconscious parody of his own actions, tore at his heart. And left with no way to know her thoughts, he could only take the action and sound as disgust directed at himself and his actions.
"Oh God, Sam… I'll walk away from the project, if you want me to. I swear I'll have my resignation papers on Hammond's desk tomorrow, if that's what you need to feel safe.” He slammed his fist down on the tabletop next to the toaster, decrying to no one in particular. “How can everybody keep telling me how smart I am and I still end up being such a stupid bastard?”
The force of his anger startled the both of them. "Don't do this to yourself." Sam leaned away from the support of the cabinets. "Open up and let me in, Daniel. This is hurting you and I want to help."
He stood facing the kitchen, backlit by the soft living room glow. She couldn’t see his face, his eyes, for the shadows, but she could hear the soft rasp of his voice.
"And so are you."
“Opening up is not something I do.” She turned her head slightly and he thought he could see a glint of moisture among her eyelashes. “Tonight was an exception, Daniel. I’m not sure what happened. I haven’t – hadn’t – felt that safe in a very, very long time.” Her words softened. “People I trust to let inside leave. People I get close to, get hurt. People I let close to me, hurt me.” She dropped her face to stare at the floor, her arms coming about her chest, holding herself tightly as she unlocked her inner feelings to another for the first time in many long years.
"I would never hurt you. I don't think I could go on living if I hurt you." The incongruity of that statement struck hard and low. "But I did, didn't I." She found herself straining to hear the pain filled words. " I hit you. I hurt you… I knocked you out." Daniel's arms crossed his chest without conscious thought. "Ah, God, Sam…" Dark hair curtained his face as he buried his chin in his chest. In the softened light, his body took on the aspect of a sculptor's masterwork, carved in shades of darkness and light. Emotions struck deep in the hardness of stone and displayed for all to see. But they existed without movement … without life … without soul.
"Daniel…?" Bare feet which left little sound in their passing brought her to stand before him. "Daniel… you didn't mean to hurt me. I know that. You never meant to hurt me."
"But I did, Sam… that's just it. I did." Through damp lashes, he could see her feet in front of his. .. see the shadow of her hand rising toward him. The words were torn from his lips and he jerked his head from her touch. "NO! Don't touch me. Don't trust me." Wounded, he pulled back even deeper into himself.
"You didn't mean to…."
"It doesn't matter. I did. And how do you know I won't do it again?" A warm hand came to rest on his shoulder and his body shuddered at its comforting touch. "God, Sam. Whether you can explain it away or not, you didn't deserve that. You deserve good things in your life … so much more than anyone could ever give you." And, in words almost to soft to hear, "More than I could ever give you….."
"Daniel, you are so wrong!" With hands placed on either cheek, his face was slowly forced to rise and meet her own. Blue eyes met and held, each touched with their own moist gleam. "You've given me compassion. You've given me understanding. You've shared your thoughts and insights with me. You've cried with me. You've given me your trust, your friendship, and your love. What more could you give?"
"Sam ……."
She reached out and gently lay two fingers over his soft warm lips. "Don't apologize. I needed to know... that there are people who can care… just because..."
"Sam … I'll always be there for you." He stepped forward, coming to stand not more than a hand's breath away. He could feel the heat radiating from her body, the warm sweetness of her breath on his neck as she tilted her soft face up to look into his eyes. Blue on blue. Sea and sky. Wind and rain. He reached out to drift the back of his hand across her cheek and she leaned her head into it.
The hand on her cheek drifted around to cup the nape of her neck, bringing her forehead down to rest against his chest, the other slid around the point of her shoulder holding them close, savoring the moment. Both knowing the specialness of this evening and the deep seeds of comradeship that had been planted this night.
Things came to a close on Daniel's tiny apartment porch looking out over the mountains and canopied by the night sky.
The two shared a tiny cast iron bench, its seat and back padded by folded rugs and blankets Daniel had gleaned over his travels. The air held the crispness of the oncoming fall and Sam pulled her arms in across her chest against the chill. Daniel shook out an afghan, that lay folded, as a pad for the back of the seat. He draped it over her shoulders, very gently, leaving his arm across the back of the bench rail, fingers intertwined in the twist and lay of the yarn. She gently pulled the blanket's edge across her body, bringing his blanket wrapped hand to rest against her shoulder. After a moment or two, he resettled himself, tentatively drawing her closer. She softly leaned into him, relaxing against his arm and chest, her head coming to rest in the nook of his neck. His cheek dropped forward to lay against the crown of her head, warm breath stirring the fine golden hair of her bangs.
And for a time, when there was no time, they sat on the edge of infinity and watched the stars slowly shift through their nightly courses. Seeing them only as points of light and not as duties and missions, leaving that for the brightness of the daylight that was to come.
And for now… they were content.
{the end}
DECLASSIFIED MISSION BRIEFING
RETURN TO SGC
OFF BASE
